i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
