is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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