Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
