Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
