You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
