I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
