my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
