I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
