i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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