Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
