The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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