So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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