that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
