I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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