Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
