Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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