Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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