I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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