We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
