i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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