I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
