I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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