If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
