I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
