my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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