I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
