did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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