can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
