I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
