That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
