My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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