and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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