Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
