Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
