I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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