hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
