I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cannot find my penis.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
