Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
