I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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