i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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