I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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