I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
