I faked an abortion last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
