what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
