I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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