yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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