Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
