I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
