I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
