somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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