She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
