Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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