i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
