Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
