Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
