Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
