So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
