I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
